Living My Legacy~
Making my house a home
You guys know I’m a big believer that we are all living our legacy every day.
Next on my list of how I want to be remembered is: “She made our house a home”. This one is my heart and will take several posts. I don’t believe a home just happens by chance. A house perhaps, but not a home.
Now, I’m a nesting fool. I love all things home. And, with HGTV and The Food Network and countless magazines devoted to home, garden and food it’s easy to find inspiration to help make your house pretty, functional and organized. But there’s more isn’t there?
First, I think it’s important to know what “home” means to you. When you have an extra couple of minutes take a moment and finish this sentence in several ways. “A home is a place where you…________.” The following is how I finished that sentence.
A home is a place where you:
* find safety~
* find comfort~
* are nourished & flourish!
* touch base~
* leave sometimes, but take the heart of it with you…
I did an exercise similar to this when I was a young mom. As you’ve probably gathered, I’m a bit high strung. Well, ya shoulda known me when I was a young mom! (Julie, can I get a witness?) Ever been somewhere that you got nervous just walking in the door? Well, if I let my guard down, that was our house.
With that in mind I wanted to talk about the first thing on my list…A home is a place where you find safety…
The outside world can be so cold and mean, I wanted our home to be the opposite. Sounds like a plan but half the time, I was the obstacle preventing this from happening. High strung. Super detailed. These are code words for: (I have the tendency to be) critical. I struggled with this, mostly failing, until 15 years ago, when my Pastor (at the time) told me that for every negative thing I said to follow it with 10 positive things!!! That was a life-saver. (It was also a lot of work!) Using my words to build a safe place for my family was the key in making our house a home. It doesn’t matter how beautiful or pristine your house is if the vibe in the house is negative, critical and/or angry it’s not a safe place.
When I focused on my part of making our home a safe place this trickled down from the way I treated everyone to the way the kids treated each other. (The Husband did not have to work on this. Not even a little bit. He’s a naturally kind person in his actions and tone. I would feel terrible about myself in light of this, but I find comfort in what Ruthie says…”Mike won’t get half as much credit in heaven for being kind. Unlike us, he was born that way.”)
Everyone thrives in a safe atmosphere at home. And for me at least, it wasn’t achieved over night. For me, like most things, it took(and still takes) lots of focus and yes, some work.
How do you go about creating safety in your home? Does it come naturally for you (I know whole families who are naturally kind and gracious. I love those peeps! Yea God!) Or are you a bit like me and have to work at it?
I hope to heaven you still like me after this post! Love and prayers for each and every person reading this…
Robin Rane's Weblog 
You come across as a wonderfully positive person. You really took your pastor’s assignment seriously. Good job. 🙂
I was so blessed to grow up in a home that was a safe place to fall. My parents were full of love and encouragement. They were selfless and supportive and just wonderful.
I don’t measure up very well next to them. They gave me some big shoes to fill. Before I walked back here to go to bed, I thanked Keith for supporting me in taking a year off from college to home school the children. We needed the break. I had become so high strung my hair was falling out from the stress! I don’t measure up to the safe place my parents provided, but I do feel like I have regained much of what was slipping away from me as I sought to make our home a haven.
FYI: I still like you.
By: Anita on February 26, 2009
at 1:09 am
I saw your little Twitter note over there. Thank you.
By: Anita on February 26, 2009
at 1:10 am
Your past may have been different, but your present is completely warm and safe… I feel that just coming to your blog, let alone your home.
I want my home to be respite. I am totally at peace here with my things and my warm colors… it’s just me. But mostly I want it to be that for my friends. I love that they can show up at 10 at night when they’ve had a horrible day and need a place of respite. They can come in sweats and know this is a place with no expectations… no kids, no husbands, no responsibilities. You can have a drink and eat cake for supper and watch Grey’s Anatomy in peace. I want my home to be other people’s safe haven.
They just know they have to wait on themselves and bring their own take out 🙂
By: gitz on February 26, 2009
at 1:50 am
I love how Anita and I check this in the middle of the night, and you’ll be getting up in just a few hours…
By: gitz on February 26, 2009
at 2:29 am
I can only give witness to what I’ve always felt in Robin’s home–welcomed, accepted, and peace. When our girls were little, I’d love to watch you in action with your home school plans, your menus posted on the ‘fridge, and their look-a-like outfits with long braided hair.
High strung people who can laugh at themselves are the most fun to hang out with!
Am totally challenged by your pastor’s assignment. You get an A+.
Gitz, you have something pretty special going on that welcomes friends at any time of day.
Anita, so sweet the way you mentioned your own home growing up.
By: Juile Garmon on February 26, 2009
at 7:48 am
Ruthie just took my rewards in heaven away! I’m really not that nice most of the time- so why shouldn’t I get some credit in heaven?
By: THE HUSBAND on February 26, 2009
at 7:56 am
Ahhhhh Julie, those were the days!
Anita, wow, what a great hubby to support your year off, it sounds like the year at home was EXACTLY what God wants for you (are you sure a year is enough?!?)
Gitz, oh I wish I lived close to you. The problem obviously is that we’d have to watch movies and eat s’mores at lunch since I go to bed at 8 !!!!!
Husband, I’m sure you’ll have a treasure chest of jewels in heaven but you are one of the darn nicest people I know so the nice jewels may be mini…no worries we cast them back at His feet anyhoo! 🙂
By: Robin on February 26, 2009
at 8:40 am
Such a nice post and a good challenge. I want my home to be many of the things you listed, and I agree that we are making our legacy with each moment……I want to link to your post today in my blog if that’s ok….I like this!!!
Thanks for being transparent….I didn’t grow up in a particularly nurturing environment, but I pray I am doing so in my home. thanks so much for sharing.
Suzanne
By: suzanne on February 26, 2009
at 9:08 am
Suzanne~ It would be such an honor for you to link to me today. Thank you~
Happy Thursday~Robin
By: Robin on February 26, 2009
at 9:43 am
I’m always late to the party… but gosh do I love reading all of your comments!
Anita, this would be my “If I am honest… ”
Robin, we are kindred spirits in this. I will try to keep from gushing here, and will somehow turn this into a post or two or ten…
I have spent a great deal of time and energy as well in creating the very type of home I longed for as a child. I have truly had to reframe and work through my high strung, critical tendencies.
Maya Angelou has a great quote that started nudging me in the right direction. “Your eyes should light up when your children enter the room.” I envision this for all people who come to my home 🙂
Warm, safe, a safe place to fall, encouraging, fun, restful, all of these things.
Your post resonates deeply with me!
By: Vicky on February 26, 2009
at 10:13 am
My husband is one of those “naturally nice” guys too. He’s almost perfect when it comes to dealing with people. And I’m the one that has to work, really hard at hit. 🙂 Thank you for this great post, and a great reminder to me. I’m taking your idea to say 10 positive things for every 1 negative thing.
By: BlueCastle on February 26, 2009
at 12:42 pm
Vicky, I think you helped me understand what I couldn’t quite express the way I wanted to. I’m way more critical by nature than my parents were. I keep trying to calm my tendencies so my children can have a home more like the one I grew up in. I like that quote.
Julie, thanks. It’s hard to think about the way I behave at home without comparing myself to Mama.
Robin, I don’t know if a year is enough. Emily’s hypoglycemia is SO much easier to manage at home. She hardly has any trouble here. When she’s at school it’s terrible. She misses some things about school, but she loves being home. It has definitely brought the children closer to one another…I’m writing a book here. I forget sometimes that you home schooled. I should pick your brain about it every now and then.
By: Anita on February 26, 2009
at 1:10 pm
I especially needed this post. I’m planning my husband’s 50th birthday party and I’m praying all will feel welcomed in our home. Praying specifically and deliberately for that. Now, if only I had Robin to accessorize my home….Colors are red and blue. Be thinking, Robin. I’m stuck with balloons. Need some more cuteness.
Vicky, love your quote. Anita, what a special mama you have. She raised a beautiful daughter.
By: Julie Garmon on February 26, 2009
at 4:42 pm
you have absolutely no idea how much i’m getting out of your legacy series. it’s truly life changing for me. i’m working on writing my own legacy, i’ll be sharing it soon!!
By: brandiandboys on February 26, 2009
at 9:12 pm
Oh I love your legacy posts. It is hard for me once I get on the negative train to stop it and change directions, you know. And I may bite my tongue but then I have to stop rolling my eyes and sighing in exasperation. Ooohh so much to work on. I love the challenge though and greatly acknowledge that I have to remember to let CHRIST do the changing in me:)
My hubby is so sweet and kind. Thank you for speaking into my life through this:) Really! I walked through TJ Maxx yesterday thinking, “what would Robin pick out to decorate with?” I almost bought some things. I saw a big IMAGINE block letters but in the wrong colors. I thought, “Robin would buy that and spray paint it and put it on top of the bookshelves in the playroom.” I am such a kook I know:) I need to go back and buy it:) Just shows how B-A-D bad I am at decorating! HGTV makes me break out in hives!
By: erikaivory on February 26, 2009
at 9:45 pm
Mikee your rewards are for putting up with me all these years. Your jewels will be for all the giving of love and acceptance to all around you. Your acceptance of me and all my crap has always ministered to me. You are truly more than kind, you are genuine, gracious and an example to all. You need to start construction on a huge jewel chest for heaven!
Rob, your home reflects your desire to create a safe loving environment. I feel your and Mike’s love for all around you.
I grew up in a preacher’s home. My home growing up was a revolving door for my parents to minister to many people with many problems. Many times I felt a little lost and forgotten. I started to do the same things to my kids and the LORD shouted (that’s what it takes for me sometimes) for me to stop and make my home a safe haven where they came first. I repented and set out to make it completely clear to my children and everyone else that my family came first and our home was the place for me to love and minister to them first.
I thank God that he did not let me go on to long before my oldest grew up and left the house. Her last few years at home were very precious to us both. The closeness of our family has been an anchor we have all run to at difficult times.
By: Ruthie on February 26, 2009
at 9:55 pm
I am loving these Legacy posts – you speak to my heart with each one. Thank you!
By: Vanessa on February 27, 2009
at 10:23 pm
[…] talking about “Making My House A Home” and exactly what that means. First on my list was “A Home is a Safe Place”. Next was “A Home is a Place of Comfort”. Today, I want to write about home being a place […]
By: Living My Legacy 5~Making My House a Home~ « Robin Rane’s Weblog on April 8, 2009
at 4:13 am
[…] talking about “Making My House A Home” and exactly what that means. First on my list was “A Home is a Safe Place”. Next was “A Home is a Place of Comfort”. Today, I want to write about home being a place […]
By: Living My Legacy~5~Making My House A Home « Robin Rane’s Weblog on April 8, 2009
at 4:14 am