Posted by: Robin~AllThingsHeartandHome | May 4, 2009

Living My Legacy~9~Even in the dark times…

Living the legacy I want to leave, even in the darkest times. While this is the most grueling and painful way I will live out my legacy, I believe it may be the most important.

My parents have done and Daddy continues to do an amazing job at this. The way they lived/live day to day taught me more than words ever could.  Many of those lessons weren’t ones they would have chosen to teach. Like how to grieve.  

When we lost my brother I watched them go through all the stages of grief.  The loss of their only son put them on a long and excruciating journey that won’t end on this side of eternity.  But it’s a journey that eventually brought out their beautiful and tender sides. Broken.  Forever changed. But not cynical and bitter. I’m fairly certain I couldn’t do the same.  But I watched them.  And I remembered their journey when just five years later Mom left this earth quite suddenly and all the light went out of my world for a long time.

The dark times are the hardest times to live my legacy. My natural knee-jerk reaction to pain is to kick and scream and curse and numb myself. And I’ve done those things more than once, but always in the back of my mind I knew I was leaving someone else with my anger, bitterness, harshness and even my addiction.  Someone is always watching, whether you’re a parent or not, there is always someone watching. Someone who needs you to first be honest with your pain but eventually to move through it. (I don’t for a moment believe in stuffing your pain and pretending it’s not there. My favorite book when grieving my little brother and my precious mother was A Grief Observed.  C.S. Lewis was brutal in his honesty with God and that helped me with my own anger and doubt.)

If we live for very long we’ll experience grief, financial devastation, illness, unanswered prayers, disappointment with God, even a loss of faith. The legacy we leave isn’t in escaping the dark times; it’s how we respond while in those dark times.  I have a good friend from the blogosphere,  Sara, aka, Gitz (her blog is Gitzen Girl) Gitz has a profound impact on my life and I feel a strong connection to her although I’ve never met her face to face. She lives with Spondylitis. Here is her explanation of the disease…” it is an autoimmune disease that usually starts in your early twenties and begins by attacking your joints. It is progressive and systemic,…” (Read more about Spondylitis here.)

Gitz lives with pain. Every day. She inspires me to look for the beauty and grace in my world. She brings life and joy to the shadowy places in my days. When I found her I was still neck deep in suffocating grief after losing my mom, Watching Gitz live her amazing life was key in lifting me out of a self destructive pit. She’s honest and thoughtful and that young woman is living a beautiful legacy. I’m changed forever because of the life she lives and so honored to know her.

I didn’t want to write this. It’s hard for me as I’ve failed time and time again. But buried deep in my heart is the prayer that if and when my journey leads me into the dark, I will even there, live the legacy I want to leave.

This series started here. And all the Legacy posts are under All Things Legacy. Love to you Peeps~

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Responses

  1. I have watched you handle life in its darkest moments and you give me courage to walk through mine. You are amazing and I love you. Thank you for loving me and listening during my dark time.

  2. Such a beautiful post. I love how you shined the light on Gitz and your family.

  3. Robin, I’ve not known you very long, but I am certain that the dark days have made your light for Jesus shine much brighter. Thanks for sharing, and for being a true friend…one who is not at all afraid to show the real you. Isa.41:10

    Suzanne

  4. I am choking back tears, at the honesty and the tenderness that you are sharing today. Such a good reminder to say “someone is always watching.” So true, and yet so easy to lose sight of in the midst of our darker days.

    Beautifully written, and so true of our Gitzen Girl!

    Love and blessings to you, Robin.

  5. I lost a very good friend. Who always introduced me as her adopted daughter. She took me in when I met her at work after leaving my family in Washington to be with my college sweetheart in Ohio. I had known her for 6 years. We would go walking every chance we got and talk the entire 3 miles. We lost her suddenly last May to an unknown brain tumor. I miss her! She was like a mom to me. But, I know she is in a better place. I can totally relate to this post. I was numb and on auto pilot for at least a month. With a brand new baby and my olest son to take care of. It was a ruff year. But, I made it through and I’m blessed to have known her.

  6. Robin, thanks for being so transparent. It means a lot to all of us. You encourage daily. Love you so.

  7. Oh Miss Robin…

    I am humbled. Thank you.

    So blessed that you’re my friend.

  8. So true, and so wise. Thank you for the reminder that someone is always watching:)
    Erika

  9. “I knew I was leaving someone else with my anger, bitterness, harshness and even my addiction. Someone is always watching, whether you’re a parent or not, there is always someone watching.”

    WOW! So true … thank you … again and again and again!


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